February 23, 2026
Explore why Employee Assistance Programs leave managers without bereavement guidance and what organizations need to build effective support systems.
Employee Assistance Programs provide grief counseling to employees who request it. What they don't provide is any guidance for managers on how to support a grieving team member at work. This gap leaves managers scrambling during one of the most consequential situations they'll ever face.
Most organizations assume their EAP handles workplace grief. It doesn't. EAP grief counseling addresses an employee's emotional needs through short-term sessions, but it gives managers nothing: no guidance on the first conversation, no framework for workload coverage, no structure for bringing someone back without overwhelming them.
This post breaks down why EAPs weren't designed to support managers, what that gap actually costs, and what real manager bereavement support looks like.
EAPs typically give employees access to confidential counseling, usually somewhere between three and eight sessions depending on the employer's contract. A counselor helps the employee process their emotions, build coping strategies, and work through early grief in a clinical setting.
And this matters. Research shows 94.5% of bereaved individuals experience at least one negative physical or mental symptom after loss, with 84% saying those symptoms harmed their daily functioning. Professional support can shorten recovery and reduce severity.
But here's the thing people miss: EAP services exist for employees. Not managers. If a manager calls the EAP line looking for help, they'll get encouragement and maybe a reminder that their employee has access to counseling. They won't get a checklist. They won't get scripts. They won't get a return-to-work plan.
The gap is baked into how EAPs work. They operate in a confidential, one-on-one setting that's explicitly walled off from the workplace. The counselor can't communicate with the manager, can't provide updates, and can't advise on how the team should respond. That's not a flaw. That's the design, and it's why bereavement support and EAP serve fundamentally different purposes.
When someone on the team experiences a loss, the manager becomes the primary contact for everything work-related. They're the one deciding how leave gets communicated. They're figuring out who covers what. They're navigating that first awkward check-in when the person comes back.
And most managers have zero training for any of it.
Grief support isn't covered in leadership development programs. It's not part of onboarding. Nobody mentions it until something happens, and by then you're learning on the job during someone else's worst moment.
Research from Marie Curie found one in three managers would actively welcome help on supporting bereaved employees. They already know they're not ready. They just don't know where to find what they need.
Organizations often assume HR owns grief support, or that the EAP covers it. But HR isn't sitting in the daily standups. The EAP operates behind a confidentiality wall. The manager is the person who sees this employee every single day, who notices when something's off, who either builds safety or accidentally adds pressure.
A solid bereavement policy establishes expectations around leave. It doesn't teach anyone how to actually show up. Policy sets the floor. Managers determine what the experience feels like.
Without guidance, managers respond inconsistently. One checks in thoughtfully and adjusts workload. Another goes silent and avoids eye contact for weeks. A third offers help once, then never follows up. The employee's experience comes down to luck: who happens to be their manager.
Grief doesn't always look like crying at a desk. It shows up in ways that get misread constantly:
According to Workplace Options research, only 11% of managers correctly identify performance issues as grief-related. The other 89% misread what they're seeing. And when managers misread grief as a performance problem, they respond with correction instead of support. The relationship takes damage that's hard to repair.
The consequences show up in numbers organizations track, whether they connect them to grief or not.
Turnover spikes. Bereave research shows 51% of employees who experience a close loss leave their job within 12 months. Not all of them had to go. Many left because of how they were treated, or not treated, during the hardest stretch of their lives.
Performance drags longer than necessary. Grief clouds focus, memory, and judgment. With proper support, people stabilize faster. Without it, they struggle longer, make more mistakes, and sometimes never fully reengage.
The whole team notices. Other employees watch how their colleagues get treated during hard moments. When a manager fumbles it, or worse, ignores it entirely, the message travels. This place doesn't handle real life well.
Gallup research shows managers account for 70% of the variance in team employee engagement. How a manager handles bereavement isn't a side conversation. It shapes whether people stay engaged or start quietly checking out.
A useful plan gives managers time-bound, specific guidance. What to do in the first conversation. What to handle during the absence. How to structure the return. None of this comes from an EAP.
This window sets the tone for everything after. Managers should:
While the employee is out, the work shifts to coverage and appropriate contact:
The first days back are often harder than the leave itself.
Knowing standard bereavement leave durations helps managers set realistic expectations. But operational guidance, the actual plan for how things work, determines whether the return goes smoothly or falls apart.
EAPs depend on employees seeking help. Many don't. And even when they do, that counseling happens in total isolation from the workplace. It doesn't touch what happens in meetings, at the desk, or in the hallway, which is exactly why workplace support after EAP falls entirely on managers.
Manager grief training addresses the workplace layer EAPs can't reach. Good training covers:
The point isn't making managers into therapists. It's giving them tools to respond consistently and practically. Employees remember how their manager showed up during the worst stretch of their life. That memory shapes whether they stay loyal or start looking elsewhere.
Grief's direct impact on work lasts an average of 17 to 18 months, according to Empathy research. Standard bereavement leave of three to five days barely scratches the surface. Managers who understand they're running a marathon, not a sprint, show up differently.
EAPs aren't going anywhere. They serve a real purpose for clinical needs. But they were never meant to replace the workplace layer of support that falls on managers.
Organizations serious about this build systems that reach managers directly.
What managers do with policy determines whether employees stay. Having a consistent approach across the organization matters. Bereave helps teams handle bereavement the same way every time, so managers, HR, and employees aren't left figuring it out alone when it counts most.
EAPs are built as confidential, employee-facing services. They're walled off from workplace operations specifically to protect privacy. That structure means they can't share information with managers or offer workplace-specific advice without breaking confidentiality.
Start by listening instead of problem-solving. Acknowledge the loss directly. Offer specific help rather than vague "let me know" statements. Ask HR what resources exist. And focus on showing up consistently rather than finding perfect words.
Research puts it at 17 to 18 months on average for direct work impact. Standard bereavement leave covers only the immediate days. Managers should expect performance to fluctuate for much longer and plan accordingly.
Yes. Most EAPs cover all employees, managers included. Supporting a grieving team member can take a toll, and managers should access counseling for their own wellbeing when they need it.
EAPs provide clinical counseling focused on emotional processing. Workplace support covers the operational side: manager training, workload coverage, return planning, team communication, and the ongoing check-ins that happen where work actually gets done.
No. EAPs do valuable work for employee mental health. The mistake is treating EAP access as enough when it's only one component. Manager training and structured workplace support should work alongside EAP services, not replace them.
See how Bereave helps teams respond with clarity, consistency, and care.
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