January 26, 2026
A manager's guide to supporting grieving employees, from the first conversation to ongoing check-ins that build lasting trust.
Loss and grief inevitably show up in every workplace, and when they do, most companies fall back on their bereavement policy. The problem is that policy typically only covers how many days off someone gets with. It doesn't address how a manager should respond when an employee shares that someone they love has died.
Most managers figure that part out in real time, defaulting to awkwardness or avoidance. Research shows 76% of bereaved employees report their work performance suffered after a loss, and how their manager responds shapes their experience, their recovery, and often whether they stay.
This guide covers what to say in the first conversation, how to offer support that removes burden rather than adding to it, and why check-ins months later matter more than most managers expect.
Grief doesn't stay contained. It shows up in missed deadlines, distracted meetings, and conversations that trail off mid-sentence. It affects focus, decision-making, and the energy someone brings to work each day.
When managers respond with genuine care, employees feel less alone in navigating an already isolating experience. When managers avoid the topic or rush back to business mode, that registers too. People remember how they were treated during their worst weeks.
A peer-reviewed study found a strong link between how well a company supports an employee through grief and how loyal that employee feels afterward. In simple terms, the way a manager and organization show up during a loss can strongly influence whether that person still wants to work there a year later.
Supporting someone through loss doesn't require counseling credentials. It requires presence, practical action, and the willingness to stay engaged longer than feels natural.
The instinct to solve something kicks in fast. Managers solve problems for a living, so the reflex makes sense. But grief doesn’t have a solution, and treating it like a problem to fix usually backfires.
Leslie Barber, founder of Grief Warrior and a coach who works with organizations on bereavement support, joined Bereave’s live webinar series and put it simply:
“You don’t need to fix grief. You just need to be there. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is listen generously and acknowledge the experience without trying to solve it.”
Start with acknowledgment, not logistics.
Phrases that work:
These responses share a few things. They're short. They don't promise anything specific. They put the person before the employee.
Some responses feel supportive in your head but land differently. The worst ones shift emotional labor back onto the grieving person or minimize what they're going through without meaning to.
Responses to skip:
Pauses will happen. Long ones. The urge to fill them with words is strong.
Resist it. Silence isn't a failure of the conversation. It's space for someone to process something that can't be processed quickly. A grieving employee doesn't need you to narrate the moment or guide it toward resolution.
If the quiet becomes unbearable, name it: "I'm not sure what to say. But I'm here." That's enough.
People in grief often can't articulate what they need. Their mental load is already stretched across funeral logistics, family dynamics, legal paperwork, and the administrative machinery that kicks in after a death. Asking them to also identify what support would help adds another task to an overwhelming list.
Offer specifics instead of open invitations.
Concrete offers that remove decisions:
The gap between "let me know what you need" and "I already took care of it" is significant. One creates work. The other eliminates it.
Barber notes that employees who feel genuinely supported through grief tend to return with stronger commitment, not weaker. The short-term coverage you arrange pays back in long-term loyalty.
Managers often expect grief to look a certain way: tears, quiet withdrawal, visible sadness. Those signs do appear, but grief also wears other faces.
Irritability. Forgetfulness. Uncharacteristic mistakes. A short fuse with colleagues. Disengagement from projects that used to spark interest. Sometimes a burst of manic productivity followed by a crash a few weeks later.
The data explains why performance shifts: only 42.5% of bereaved employees felt capable of performing their job duties in the first month after a loss. More than half are physically present but running on diminished capacity.
Patterns to watch for:
If you notice these signs, don't jump to performance concerns. Approach with curiosity.
A simple opener works: "You've seemed off lately. I wanted to check in, no agenda. How are you doing?" Sometimes they'll talk. Sometimes they won't. Either way, you've signaled that you see them as a person, not a line item on a productivity report.
The first week gets attention. Cards show up. Colleagues say something kind. The manager checks in once or twice.
Then everyone moves on. Except the person grieving.
Grief doesn't follow a corporate calendar. Someone might seem steady for six weeks and then unravel on a random Tuesday because of a song on the radio or a date on the calendar. Anniversaries land hard. Holidays land harder. The first birthday after a death. The empty chair at a family gathering.
Managers who make a lasting difference are the ones still checking in months later, when everyone else has forgotten.
Frequent, brief contact beats occasional deep conversations. You don't need to have a long talk every week. You need to show up consistently.
Low-pressure check-ins:
Ask how they want you to handle it going forward. Some people want their manager to ask about their loss. Others want work to feel like a break from grief. There's no universal answer. Ask directly: "Would you rather I check in about how you're doing personally, or keep our conversations focused on work?" Then follow their lead.
Put reminders in your calendar for key dates. The one-year anniversary. The birthday of the person who died. Major holidays during the first year.
A short message before a hard date matters: "I know this week might be rough. I'm here if you need anything."
You're not overstepping. You're being human.
Grief affects more than one person. It ripples through teams. Colleagues want to help but worry about saying the wrong thing. Workloads shift. Everyone navigates uncertainty about how to act around someone in pain.
Clarity reduces that tension.
Expectations to set early:
When teams watch their manager handle loss with care, it shifts something. They learn what to expect if it happens to them. That security has value beyond the current situation.
Supporting a grieving employee rarely goes smoothly. You'll say something clumsy. You'll check in on a day they didn't want to talk about it. You'll mean to follow up and forget.
None of that disqualifies you from being helpful.
Barber frames it this way: "Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen, and letting others be seen."
Showing up imperfectly beats disappearing. The employee won't catalog your exact words. They'll remember whether you tried.
Start simple. "I'm so sorry" works. Acknowledge the loss before mentioning logistics, and resist the urge to fix or reframe. Let them know work can wait until they're ready.
Longer than most managers assume. Grief affects work performance for an average of 17 to 18 months. Aim for regular, brief check-ins through the first year, with extra attention around anniversaries and holidays.
You probably will at some point. It matters less than you think. Employees remember whether their manager showed up, not whether every sentence landed perfectly. If you stumble, a quick "I'm not sure I said that right, but I'm here for you" usually repairs it.
Approach with curiosity rather than concern about output. What looks like disengagement is often grief in disguise. A private conversation works best: "I've noticed you've been struggling. That makes sense given what you're going through. What would help?"
Yes. Avoiding the topic can feel like erasure. Keep it brief: "I'm glad you're back. I know things are still hard. Let me know what you need." Then let them guide how much they want to discuss.
See how Bereave helps teams respond with clarity, consistency, and care.
Help bring Bereave to your workplace. Your co-workers will thank you.
