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A Human Approach to Performance Management
Kate O’Neill · Co-Founder & CEO · Opre, AI Performance Management Platform
Summary
- Annual performance reviews create surprises, resentment, and disengagement. The fix is daily conversations, not better paperwork.
- The GROW coaching model puts employees in the driver’s seat of their own development. Employees who set their own goals achieve them at higher rates than those given top-down direction.
- Kate O’Neill built Opre after leading her team through four employee health crises in four years. Her framework holds standards and humanity at the same time.
- The core reframe: performance management is not done to employees. It is done with them.
- Immediate takeaway: in your next one-on-one, replace “How are you?” with “How are you doing on this specific thing?” It is smaller, safer, and more honest.
Who This Episode Is For
People managers, HR leaders, and anyone who avoids performance conversations until they become unavoidable.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why annual performance reviews fail and how daily performance conversations eliminate surprises, resentment, and disengagement before they build
- How to use the GROW coaching model to put employees in the driver’s seat of their own performance goals
- Why numerical rating systems damage high-performer retention and what managers should use instead
- Scripts for workplace performance conversations that reframe feedback as “us versus the problem,” not “you versus me”
- How to manage employee performance fairly when a team member is grieving, without lowering standards or losing trust
Key Takeaways
No Surprises: The Foundation of Effective Performance Management
If anything in a formal performance review is a surprise, the manager has not done the ongoing work that makes reviews useful.
- Address performance issues in real time, not stored up for the annual review.
- Say: “I want to talk about X. It’s not what I expected. Let’s figure this out together.”
- Treat every formal review as a checkpoint in an ongoing conversation, not a verdict delivered once a year.
How Daily Performance Conversations Replace Annual Reviews
Consistent, low-stakes check-ins build the trust that makes hard performance conversations possible. When managers skip them, every direct conversation feels like conflict.
- Ask “How are you doing on this specific thing?” instead of a general check-in. It is more answerable and less overwhelming for the employee.
- When discussing a performance shift, say: “Can we talk about what happened here? What’s your take on this?”
- Use data to depersonalize the feedback: “Here’s what the numbers show. Can we talk about it?”
- Consistency matters more than formality. A two-minute check-in counts.
The GROW Coaching Framework: use when coaching, not just checking in:
- Goal: “What do we both want to be true about this situation?”
- Reality: “Tell me everything about where we are. What am I missing?”
- Options: “If you could wave a magic wand, what would you do?” This breaks employees out of perceived constraints.
- Will: “What are you going to do? What’s your commitment?” By this stage, employees are already engaged.
Employees who generate their own solutions set higher goals and achieve them more consistently. Kate O’Neill, Opre
How to Use Self-Reviews to Surface the Coaching Gaps That Matter
Asking the same performance questions twice, employee first and manager second, reveals the misalignments worth coaching. The gap itself is the insight.
- A gap of two or more points on any scale is a coaching conversation, not a performance problem.
- High performers frequently rate themselves below their actual performance. The coaching needed is often about mindset, not skill.
- A significant gap signals a misaligned expectation, not necessarily underperformance.
- When something is off, ask “How did you work to achieve this?” Focus on process before judging outcome.
How to Manage Employee Performance When Someone Is Grieving
Supporting a grieving employee and maintaining performance standards are not in conflict, but how and when expectations are met must adapt to where that person is.
- Start with: “What do you need from me right now?” Then listen before offering solutions. Some employees want to work through grief; others need space.
- Check in more frequently, not less. Regular contact signals support, not surveillance.
- Adapt how and when expectations are met, but do not quietly abandon them. Unclear expectations increase anxiety for grieving employees.
- Ensure the employee is aware of available EAP, counseling, and bereavement leave benefits and that using them is actively encouraged.
- Build trust before crisis arrives. The managers employees call when something happens are the ones who showed up before anything went wrong.
About Kate O’Neill
- Co-Founder and CEO of Opre, an AI-powered performance management platform that coaches managers through daily performance conversations at scale
- Former VP of Marketing at a venture-backed startup, managing a team for the first time without formal training. That experience was the direct origin of Opre.
- Concluded after years of executive coaching investment that management is a learnable skill most leaders are never taught early enough
- Led her team through four serious employee health crises and losses over four years, including a terminal cancer diagnosis. Her framework for managing performance through hardship was built in practice, not theory.
Connect with Kate on LinkedIn →
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the GROW model and how does it apply to performance management?
GROW is a structured coaching framework: Goal (align on what both parties want to be true), Reality (assess where things actually stand), Options (generate every possible path forward), and Will (the employee’s specific commitment to action). The employee drives the conversation and owns the outcome. Research supports that employees who set their own goals achieve them at higher rates than those given top-down targets.
How should a manager handle performance issues when an employee is grieving?
Ask what the employee needs, then listen before responding. Maintain performance expectations but adapt how and when they are met. Increase check-in frequency. Ensure the employee knows what EAP, counseling, and bereavement leave options are available. How a manager handles one person’s hardship tells every other person on the team whether they are safe to ask for help.
What should replace annual performance reviews?
Daily conversations, informal and consistent check-ins, should be the foundation of performance management. The formal annual review then becomes a checkpoint, not a revelation. If anything in a formal review is new to the employee, the manager has not done the ongoing work. Self-reviews completed before manager reviews surface the coaching gaps most worth addressing.
What should a manager say when giving critical performance feedback?
Frame feedback as a shared problem: “It’s not you versus the expectation. It’s us versus the expectation together.” Deliver it at the moment it happens, not months later in a scheduled review. Be specific. Make the path forward a collaborative part of the conversation from the start, not a consequence handed down after the fact.
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